It's OK to get a "B"

Sorry for the lapse in writing. To say things are busy would be a huge understatement. To say I am stressed would be an even bigger understatement. I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best in everything I do. I think that's ok to a point and then it becomes unrealistic. I think I've taken on too much right now to be the best at everything. Between work, school, trying to be a "mom", and some other unnecessary stressers I'll refrain from discussing here, I've taken on too much. I think the stress is adding to my migraine problem and the migraine problem, in turn, adds to my stress because I lose days at a time to being in bed to avoid the pain. Something has to give.

I want to allow myself to be ok with getting a "B" in my hard class this semester. I think it would allow me to work a little less on it. We had a take home midterm that I probably spent about 40+ hours on and I still think I'll probably get a "B" on it. That makes me crazy. I need to let it go but it's so hard for me. This whole "being an A player" has been so engrained in me that it's nearly impossible for me to knowingly let myself perform less than my best. But my priorities have changed. For so many years, school was my priority. It's hard to let go of that. But work is my priority now and I need to adjust. Of course, letting go of getting an "A" is also stressful so I'm pretty sure I'm just going to be stressed regardless. I'm counting down the weeks til the end of the semester when I can have my life back again. 7 weeks......

Losing Weight

As I said a few posts ago, it's time to do something about my weight. Or at least try something new. I actually eat fairly healthy food, but my exercise routine has gone down the tubes with being so busy. And I have to say that when I get on the scale and my weight is the same or worse, it definitely leads to the occasional binge in the cookie dough. I got on the scale last week and saw a weight that basically made me gasp. It's only 2 pounds more than usual, but it's 2 pounds over my, "I will absolutely never pass this weight" mark. It hit me pretty hard and I was really irritable and kinda depressed for a few days. I feel stuck- there's simply no time for a regular gym routine. So it's time to try something new.

I'm usually a pretty private person, so this is sharing a lot for me. So no funny comments, k? I signed up for weight watchers today. If you know me well, then you know I'm reaching for options with this. I've always been one to just go to the gym and take care of the weight. But since that's not an option, weight watchers it is. I have 3 or 4 friends that are finding success on it so I figure it's worth a try. Frankly, if 3 or 4 people told me standing on my head was helping, I'd do that too at this point. I've thought about joining for awhile but I think I didn't want to admit that I need to officially "diet".

So far it's been going well (I just joined Wednesday night). I lost a couple pounds the first 2 days, which must be water weight or something. Oh, and I've been starving. I am really hoping this works. I just want to get through the next 9 weeks until school is over and I can fit in a regular workout again.

"Spring Break"

This week is spring break for school. Both of my professors wished us all a great week off and everyone in both of my classes kind of looked around, like "are they talking to us?" since all of us work. Ironically, both of my professors are taking vacations. When did the role reversal occur so that now I need to wish my professors a fun spring break??? I did take a little time to recuperate from my crazy schedule but I also have a take home midterm to work on, so there's never really a full break from school.

Midterms

Tonight was the midterm for my class on judgment and decision analysis. It was all essay questions. It has been a LONG time since I have taken a final in this format. With engineering classes, midterms are typically math related problems so it's a lot of work but not a lot of writing. Studying was also different. Studying material like this is sort of an exercise in memorization; it's very different from engineering courses which is more of understanding the "how" of a problem so that you can adapt it to whatever appears on the test. So in many ways, I found studying a lot easier but it was an adjustment.

The midterm went well, despite the fact that I can no longer feel one of my fingers and my hand is cramping. I wrote between 10 and 12 pages during the exam, and I have relatively small writing. I think I did well though and am glad it's over. Guess I can wipe that short term memory clean now. Just kidding- it is actually really interesting stuff which made it easier to remember. My other class is having a take-home midterm. Good thing because this class is hard enough without trying to retain it all in memory.

Migraines Update

I finally made it to the doctor, after changing my appointment 3 or 4 times because my schedule keeps changing so much. He did some quick tests and decided I am getting migraines. I will go in for some other tests just to make sure everything else is ok, but it's most likely migraines. I told him how much I'd prefer to avoid drugs if possible, and he told me about a vitamin that studies have found to help with migraines. So I'm taking lots of B-2 (about 4 times the daily recommended amount) and I also have migraine meds now, for when I feel the migraine starting.

I went to fill my prescription and found that my insurance only covers 9 pills per month, despite the fact that the prescription from my doctor calls for more. So I guess we no longer need doctors; we can just let the insurance companies decide what's in our best interest. This obviously has nothing to do with health reasons and everything to do with cost. So I pay to have health insurance that leaves me in pain and won't allow me to get medication without paying for it myself. It's the same way with the chiropractor: the insurance only covers a certain number of visits per year (a small number), so I have to pay out of pocket for all of the other visits. Seriously, if my insurance isn't going to cover the things I need to stay healthy, what am I paying for???