My Good Kitty

I'm finding it's still too hard to talk about my kitty. Maumau passed away on April 14th. I thought that maybe by now it would be easier to talk about, but it's not. I'm basically going to repost my email that I sent to many of you for anyone that doesn't know what happened.

In early April, my kitty started just laying in one spot and didn't want to move, eat, or do anything. After about a week it was getting really bad so I took her to the vet. She was in kidney failure and I had to make a decision about whether to put her to sleep or try to hospitalize her and put her on fluids for a few days. Maumau was only 10 years old so this was extremely unexpected. Since she was a kitten, I've known that she only has one functioning kidney. The other one never developed so I knew that if she ever had kidney trouble, we'd be in bad shape. But that's a pretty big "if" so I've never worried about it and there's nothing to be done about it anyway. I decided to go forward with the fluids and meds and hospitalization. I spent each afternoon sitting with her, trying to get her to eat and just petting her for comfort. After 3 days, the vet let me take her home to see if she could bounce back better in her own environment.

It was really nice to have her home. I had meds for her and had to force feed her, since she didn't want to eat. I also learned how to give subcutaneous fluids, which was as hard on me as her I think, since I'm needle-phobic. It's amazing what you'll do for your kids. Unfortunately, she didn't improve. She continued to lay in one spot and while she didn't seem to be in any pain, she also wasn't her personable little self. On April 13th, she seemed to be having more trouble than usual so I decided to sleep in the extra bedroom with her. It was like old times with just the two of us. In the morning I pet her, went downstairs to take a shower, and by the time I got back, she was gone. I pet her and told her what a good kitty she was. Then I took her to the vet to take care of things. I am thankful that she was able to pass away quickly, with little pain, and in the comfort of her own home.

I've done a lot of crying and remembering all the good times we shared. The first few days after she died, I had a flood of memories. I kept expecting to see her and even imagined I saw her out of the corner of my eye a few times. After that, I had to stop thinking about it because it hurt too much. I still miss her a lot and haven't been able to really talk too much about it, other than to restate what happened. I'm sure eventually I'll be ready to recount all the memories I have of my wonderful little cat, but it will probably still be awhile.